Get your Me Time and Connect with Yourself

How hard is it to connect with yourself? Amidst the chaos of life, the answer may seem elusive. But let’s start with a small story.

It was the last boarding call. The long queue ahead of her had quickly vanished. The bickering siblings and the adorable toddler, waving goodbye from the flight, were already on their way. Tanya nervously paced around the boarding gate, her mind filled with doubts. Could she back out now? Was this a bad idea? The thought of traveling without her two-year-old and her husband was something she never thought she could do.

With her boarding pass clutched tightly in her sweaty palms, tears welled up in Tanya’s eyes once again. The past forty-eight hours had been filled with non-stop crying and emotional roller coasters. But amidst all the overwhelming emotions, she couldn’t ignore the significance of this moment. This journey was more than just a physical departure; it was an opportunity for Tanya to embark on a profound inner journey and connect with herself on a deeper level.

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Being Mommy

From the day we hold that tiny baby in our arms, we know our lives have changed forever. As mothers, our sleep timings, food breaks and even our toilet schedules revolve around these little miracles that we created. The thought of ‘me time’ is considered a synonym for being ‘selfish’ or an example of bad parenting.

“Even if I decide that today, I WILL watch my favourite TV show and make the baby sleep on time, I can’t do it. I just can’t. There is either the kitchen slab to clean or hubby has an important thing to discuss or I am just too tired to stay awake. Where is the question of ‘me time’?“, confesses Avril, a mother of an adorable one year old (name changed).

The Roles we Play

As women, we start our days wearing multiple hats, fulfilling various roles and responsibilities. From being the chef in the kitchen to striving for perfection as a mom, wife, or daughter-in-law, our days are filled with juggling these expectations. And for working women, the transition back to work after maternity leave brings about even more significant changes and adjustments.

“I can’t help but end up in the kids’ section every time I go shopping for myself. I end up buying so much for my baby that I feel guilty spending on myself,” shared Nancy during a gathering of fellow moms. It’s a common feeling among mothers – the guilt of prioritizing our own needs and wants. It’s as if we’re wrapped in a blanket of ‘mommy guilt,’ which tightens with each passing month.

This guilt follows us everywhere, even to the bathroom when we try to steal a few moments for a relaxing shower with fragrant bath oils. It lingers in our minds at social events, where we often choose practicality over indulgence. Our free time becomes scarce, and we find ourselves constantly striving to be productive, even if it means sacrificing our precious “me time.”

However, it’s essential to find a balance between fulfilling our roles and taking care of ourselves. Connecting with ourselves amidst the demands of motherhood is not only crucial but also necessary for our well-being. It’s not selfish to prioritize self-care and happiness; it’s a fundamental part of our journey. So, let’s explore ways to reconnect with ourselves, reclaim our “me time,” and discover the joy and fulfillment that comes with nurturing our own well-being. It’s time to connect with yourself and embark on a more fulfilling and balanced motherhood journey.

The Truth about ‘Me Time’

Yes, it does take a lot of effort to fight that guilt and take time to do something unproductive or relaxing, that involves no one but you. The new identity of being a mother should not kill your original identity of being you. Motherhood shouldn’t come with such a huge price to pay! Happy mothers make happy babies and happy families. Children from happy and secure families are known to adapt faster and not be bullies in the early years of schooling.

“It scares me to return home from work, because my wife’s moods are always unpredictable! I know it’s hard to be home alone with a tantrum throwing toddler, but I miss the happy wife I used to have.” expressed Sachin in a parent seminar.

The answer is simple – a little time to pamper yourself can create the happy family that you are looking for.

With a heavy heart, Tanya walked towards her flight. She knew this ‘me time’ in the foothills of the Munnar valley is what will give her body some well-deserved rest and relaxation. Her pending writing articles needed a flow of thought. She let the guilt blanket loose, trusted her husband to handle the baby and boarded with a smile on her face!

Tips to Connect with Yourself

1. Pick one activity that you enjoyed before becoming a parent. It could be dancing, yoga, walks or jogs. Make sure it’s an activity that helps you sweat it out. Release those feel-good hormones!

2. Go out alone. Make a quick trip to the beach or to your favourite café. Do not include supermarket time or run errands. This is some time for you to be with yourself and unwind.

3. Eat good food. Make a conscious effort to pick foods that are not temporary mood lifters like cheese-laden pizzas or chocolate cake. Pick the right food that keeps your postpartum body energetic and active. When you eat the right portion at the right time, you reduce your chances of grabbing junk. Pick fruits of your choice and include vegetables in your meals.

4. Reduce screen time: Often while scrolling through social media notifications, we do not realise that a lot of time has passed. This time could have been our ‘me time’.

5. Cook for yourself:  If you like cooking, dedicate one day of the week to cook your favourite dishes. If cooking is not the therapy you like, order your favourite food. This could be the start of a new tradition like ‘Mommy Mondays’ that the entire family can celebrate.

6. Pick up an old hobby that you dropped when you held family responsibilities too tight. Sing, read, paint – spend an hour a week doing what you love.

Fall in love again, this time make sure it is with YOURSELF!

Author

Mansi Nipun Gupta is a Psychotherapist and a Relationship Counselor. With a soon to be 1 year old naughty son, Mansi currently teaches and counsels students from various backgrounds. With her innovative learning methodologies and student management skills, she coaches students for life skills and academics. She also conducts seminars on parenting and relationship management.